OMG WTF it’s Facebook meme time

You must have come across the long-standing Facebook meme that appears in the form of an earnest plea for friends to repost a status about mothers, brothers, daughters, goats, etc, being wonderful, followed by a subtle dare that specifies how many people will not repost, intimating in an ever-so-slightly sinister way that if you fall into that bracket, you are somehow inferior and not worthy of something or other.

Then of course came the “cause” status, which attempted to increase circulation by increasing the perceived inferiority concommittant with not reposting. You must have seen some of them, like this one:

Change your profile picture to a cartoon character from your childhood and invite your friends to do the same for the NSPCC. Until Monday (December 6th) there should be no human faces on Facebook but an invasion of memories This is campaign to stop violence against children.

Ah yes, because nasty violent child abusers will see all the cartoons and go “awww, sweet”, and before you know it, they’ve forgotten all about hitting their child… gosh, isn’t naïvete life wonderful?

However, rather than go on at length in this sarcastic vein, I thought I’d share with you some far more entertaining ripostes to this absurd meme. Enjoy.

The Satirical

The Sublime

Please post a picture of your (or someone else’s) ass for colon cancer awareness. The goal is to see nothing but asses on Facebook by January 1st. We’re not sure how, but somehow this will surely cure colon cancer for good. Repost if you’re not an awful, terrible person who hates puppies.

The Silly

Copy this text and put it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone, who knows someone. If you don’t know anyone, or even if you’ve just heard of someone who doesn’t know anyone, then still copy this. It’s important to spread the message. And the hearts! ♥♥♥♥♥♥ For fuck’s sake, don’t forget the hearts! ♥♥♥♥♥♥…

The Surreal

Put this on your status if you know someone who has been eaten by a dragon. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and in case you didn’t know can breathe fire. 93% of people won’t copy and paste this because they have been eaten by dragons.

The Cloacal

According to statistics, far too many people use more loo-roll than is necessary. They scrunch it up even before they sit down, just to throw down the pan to stop that old familiar poop-drop splash on the buttocks, or use 18 sheets for a wee when just 4 pieces cleverly folded would suffice. If someone you know uses too much loo-roll, re-post this to your status. 91% of people will not re-post this…

The Obvious

Please put this on your status if you know someone or are related to someone who suffers from stupidity. Stupidity is real and should be taken seriously. You could be sitting next to a sufferer right now. There is still no known cure for stupidity and sympathy does not help. But … we … can … raise awareness. 93% won’t copy and paste this because they don’t know how to copy and paste.

Goodnight.

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