It was entitled “Things you do as an adult when you’ve experienced childhood emotional abuse” and was simply a series of post-it notes, saying:
“I can’t stand conflict, loud sudden noises, shouting and screaming or agression in any form. It triggers my fight-or-flight instantly.”
“I can’t accept compliments. During my childhood, people just noticed my mistakes and not my achievements.”
“I’m an overachiever. I obsess about doing a job/task to perfection. And then I obsess about how I could have done it better.”
“I’m basically a hermit. My home is my fortress. I constantly fear everyone around me.”
“I have problems trusting people.”
“Indecisiveness. It feels like every choice I make is wrong even if I choose the option I’m told to take.”
“I avoid saying anything that others might not agree with, which means I’m never being myself.”
“I’m overly shy around people and struggle with having a voice. I believe no-one wants to hear anything I say.”
“I have a hard time making eye contact with people.”
“Blaming myself for everything. I have to fight the urge to beat myself up constantly.”
This series of simple, throwaway comments basically describes my life since being a teenager.
So this begs a question: how much of the shit I have to deal with in life is due to my Asperger Syndrome, and how much is due to the emotional abuse I endured as a child and teenager?
I’m suddenly not sure.
Points if you get the obscure poetry reference in the title.